To make decisions is
a never-ending endeavor, learning to make the right ones is crucial to living a
happier life. As human beings we probably make a million decisions in a
lifetime, some good, some bad and most others probably just brushed off as
normal. The thing about making a decision though is that it doesn’t just affect
today and tomorrow but also where we go… so our future and our direction. Our where and our when, but I would like to
add that I have found that with the decision also comes an idea of ‘How?’… ‘How am I going to do this?’, ‘How am I going
to do that?’ … almost like before we decide we want to know that there will be
a certain degree of comfort, not a bad thing at all but cannot be a substitute
for happiness. I want to make decisions based on merit but at the same time
stand at risk for change - change of situation, change of heart, change of
perception, change of mind – all necessary good changes. I want to live my life knowing that where I’m
heading is safe and but at the same time not really know past a certain point
so I can always leave room for curiosity, change and adventure. So like know that I might get married, but
not when or to who, know that I’ll live here, work there, have kids, drive a
car, own a house, plan for it but not to the point where it exterminates the
fun and the excitement but rather offer it as uncomfortable change (which is
exciting in its own rights) as my life is expanding and I’m evolving into the
mature being of choice. I recently did a series of photos on Instagram (@jinjerjim) about doors and
how it symbolically represents decisions and new adventure, but I also added
that we don’t always know what’s behind the doors until we go for it and open
them, and the mystery and excitement lies in that… one of my previous blog
entries, ‘Doors’, is a poetic representation of this thought… Personally I trust God to help me make my
decisions. This is my story and this is
how decision making has changed my life…
It’s almost year ago
that I have had to make one of the biggest and most daunting decisions of my
life ever… truth is, I could not have
made the decision if it wasn’t for the fact that I had a lot of time alone just
meditating on all the possibilities and outcomes of it… one thing that became
very clear to me was that, even though I pray a lot and love God, we sometimes
need to just take a position and make a decision and just jump into it head
first, kind of part of us exercising our free will and also very much part of
the fact that God wants us to trust Him as much as He trusts us to be able to
make our own decisions. This brought me to a place where I looked at the
possibilities of my life for my life and it was almost as if I could see it (my
life) playing out as fine, and it was
at that moment right there and then that I came to this thought… fine is not good enough for this me, in
fact, fine was never going to be
enough and as such I needed to do things differently with my life, I need to
change it from fine to fantastic. I came to this idea, the idea to ‘flip the
script’ on my life and to completely trust God for the outcome. Did this mean that
I’m now taking control of my own destiny and totally disregarding God, no not
at all, this ‘flipping the script’ idea just meant adjusting my thinking, adjusting
how I am, still the same person, but I
just approach life differently. I still rely on God to be my future and my
inspiration but I am more intentional about my decision making and I’m always
making sure it is for the benefit of my journey with God and other people. So
what is ‘Flipping the Script’ all about?
Change.
I had to change. And to do that I had to instill some sound
principles in my life and that was not a walk in the park; but then again, nothing
in life worth something ever really is… my journey started with getting rid of
some bad habits, first and foremost, some of which I have mentioned in previous
blog entries (I do it cause I’m lonely…blah blah blah) …those were ‘easier’…
the ones I found most difficult were and still are the ones that kind of
changes one’s character… how you treat people, how you view people, what is
important to people, what is important to you, how do you view yourself, are
you conducting your life in a manner that is both pleasing to you and to those
looking at you, learning from you and more importantly depending on you? How can one match up to all of that and still
feel authentic… especially if some of those were not really who you were
previously… after countless conversations with friends and some reflecting I
came across the concept of living an exemplary life – pretty standard thing to
want to do. So how does one do
that? What does it mean to live an
exemplary life…or is it a life style? What does it entail? Is it about
contributing to how people are living, is it about setting an example for and
to the people I come in contact with on a daily basis? Not that I am this super
famous influential celebrity, but I do encounter various walks of people every
day through various means and mediums, be it social media or in real life,
especially in real life… and so many people have so many different stories to
share and so many of them are living out their stories right now… am I
listening? Am I being there for them? Leading them by how and who I am, or am I
just leading them astray with my own selfish little thwarts? Would that be
exemplary living…would that be authentic? Or what is it to live an exemplary
life? In short, I would say that one way is serving and caring about other
people so much that it changes who you are for the better. I think that is real…I
think it’s the real you…I think that is authentic. So does one just wake up and do this? I wish…
it takes time and lots of reflecting about who you are and I would think that
that would be a life-long process. What I have learnt is that it consists
mainly of self-sacrifice and selflessness…pretty much everything that’s against
our selfish narcissistic human nature…
Personally, the first of these big changes I had to instill
were to put in place sound principles and boundaries to protect myself and
other people from contradicting the life I aim to lead…not as easy as I
thought, stumbling blocks come in many forms and sizes and you learn it the
hard way all the way as you grow… things like disappointments, disagreements,
rejection and many more are challenges faced when basing a life on principles. The
question I had to ask myself though was… What is it about living a life on
principles and setting boundaries, that is so detrimental to forming a new you,
a fresh you, a ‘flipping the script’ you…? The answer was and still is: it
makes life so much easier. It started
with small steps at a time, deciding to not eat certain things and to not drink
carbonated drinks (including alcohol) and not smoking… almost in a sense
denying my bodily desires for immediate satisfaction… then the bigger steps,
after I have learnt to say ‘no’ to myself… came the thoughts of emotional
desires, the need to have a girlfriend, female companion, ‘someone that
understands me, that I can share emotions with’ …the lie, a lie, yes I do need
someone but really not right now and definitely not because I feel I need one every
other day… most days I’m content with being on my journey of ‘hating beauty’
and finding myself… other days, and they are far and few apart, I just miss the
idea of a girlfriend but even more so the idea of the things you do with
someone… conversations, laughter, romantic inspirations, dinners, movies, outings
and just plain old comfort and friendship…
all valid but all also not necessary to rush… so I had to make peace
with the idea of waiting but that meant putting in boundaries on how I
communicate with women… how I say, what I say, what I do, how I do… all to
protect them and myself… but as I said it’s not always as easy as black and
white and you learn and you get up and you continue growing…very interesting
the thoughts one’s brains go through… found myself once getting really
low-spirited because the idea of ending up with no-one really got to me, I
thought that if I’m ‘friend-zoning’ every one… who will I get? More
importantly… how will I know it’s her?
...and so we learn to trust in the Creator, my God and savior, Jesus,
and as long as I trust Him I shall put no foot wrong…
Let’s get carried
away, but let’s remain authentic.
This idea is solely based on trusting God to lead us. It is
like a good friend of mine said to me, ‘if we can see beyond the gulf then we
won’t need God to direct and protect us’, but I do need Him, and so I will
trust Him and make my decisions. I should be bold enough to trust Him that
it’ll be fine; I must be daring and courageous, adventurous and excited about
life but also be securely grounded in Him. If things don’t work out (which they
sometimes don’) I must know that God is still good. The
decision to Flip the Script on my
life has led to many new things that I find myself doing all the time, just by
thinking about things differently I enter into almost like a new realm of
living or thinking. Blogging for me is a resultant of ‘Flipping the Script’, moving out and deciding to live on my own as
well. The beauty of ‘Flipping the Script’
is this: it causes a ripple effect, one decision influences others but at
the same time presents you with new possibilities, options that would never
have availed themselves if things just remained the same. I read once that if
one wants to make a change in one’s life that you must adhere to these three
fundamentals: start immediately, do it flamboyantly and lastly there should be
no exceptions…no exceptions...what does that even mean…? It means take the risk, risk the change and
enjoy the fruits of living a life that you know you want to… It’s about living
a better life, making better decisions, making sure you’re living a healthy fun
life. Not saying that alcohol and cigarettes will deny you that in any way but
it got in my way and it can get in your way. Not saying having a girlfriend or
partner will deter you from that at all, in fact I’d encourage anyone to pursue
someone, but only if that is going to make both your lives better. It’s not
about where you stay or where you are in life, but it is definitely about
stepping out of your comfort zone and challenging yourself to step up and into
the life you know you desire. Change is good and change is constant so the
easiest thing we can do is to progressively embrace it. One step always leads
to another, why not make those steps a better step each time. The goal is
exemplary living, I’m striving towards, with up-hills every day, but I feel
that if I continue trying I’ll have an impact on someone’s life someday and
that will matter, because my steps will be well calculated and dependent on
God, the ultimate exemplary life to follow.
Brave, Bold and Different
The thing about Flipping
the Script is that it is flamboyant and risk taking and exciting and
exhilarating, but more than that, Flipping
the Script is more than just doing things differently; it is more than just
applying things to your life to change you. It is more than just a philosophy
or a theory; it is more than just a lifestyle and it is definitely not about
changing who you are. At the same time it is also more than just a behavior
change or a habitual change it is almost something transcendent, a paradigm
shift, almost like living the alternative you you’ve always wanted to live out…
Flipping the Script is an
understanding that brings about change to your life, it is a way of thinking
that implies doing things differently, and it encourages behaving differently.
It in turn becomes a philosophy or a way of living, a manifestation of a
lifestyle, it is who you are and not about becoming someone else but more so a
better version of you, the real you, more authentic and definitely more real…
and as I said it’s not about changing you, it is about enhancing who you are, a
you that you can fully live out without any contradiction. Flipping the Script is a principle, apply it and help yourself live
a better life. Let’s flip from comfort
to real. Let’s be real. Let’s change lives.
