#Hashtag: flipping_the_script

To make decisions is a never-ending endeavor, learning to make the right ones is crucial to living a happier life. As human beings we probably make a million decisions in a lifetime, some good, some bad and most others probably just brushed off as normal. The thing about making a decision though is that it doesn’t just affect today and tomorrow but also where we go… so our future and our direction.  Our where and our when, but I would like to add that I have found that with the decision also comes an idea of ‘How?’…  ‘How am I going to do this?’, ‘How am I going to do that?’ … almost like before we decide we want to know that there will be a certain degree of comfort, not a bad thing at all but cannot be a substitute for happiness. I want to make decisions based on merit but at the same time stand at risk for change - change of situation, change of heart, change of perception, change of mind – all necessary good changes.  I want to live my life knowing that where I’m heading is safe and but at the same time not really know past a certain point so I can always leave room for curiosity, change and adventure.  So like know that I might get married, but not when or to who, know that I’ll live here, work there, have kids, drive a car, own a house, plan for it but not to the point where it exterminates the fun and the excitement but rather offer it as uncomfortable change (which is exciting in its own rights) as my life is expanding and I’m evolving into the mature being of choice. I recently did a series of photos on Instagram (@jinjerjim) about doors and how it symbolically represents decisions and new adventure, but I also added that we don’t always know what’s behind the doors until we go for it and open them, and the mystery and excitement lies in that… one of my previous blog entries, ‘Doors’, is a poetic representation of this thought…  Personally I trust God to help me make my decisions.  This is my story and this is how decision making has changed my life… 

It’s almost  year ago that I have had to make one of the biggest and most daunting decisions of my life ever…  truth is, I could not have made the decision if it wasn’t for the fact that I had a lot of time alone just meditating on all the possibilities and outcomes of it… one thing that became very clear to me was that, even though I pray a lot and love God, we sometimes need to just take a position and make a decision and just jump into it head first, kind of part of us exercising our free will and also very much part of the fact that God wants us to trust Him as much as He trusts us to be able to make our own decisions. This brought me to a place where I looked at the possibilities of my life for my life and it was almost as if I could see it (my life) playing out as fine, and it was at that moment right there and then that I came to this thought… fine is not good enough for this me, in fact, fine was never going to be enough and as such I needed to do things differently with my life, I need to change it from fine to fantastic. I came to this idea, the idea to ‘flip the script’ on my life and to completely trust God for the outcome. Did this mean that I’m now taking control of my own destiny and totally disregarding God, no not at all, this ‘flipping the script’ idea just meant adjusting my thinking, adjusting how I am, still the same person,  but I just approach life differently. I still rely on God to be my future and my inspiration but I am more intentional about my decision making and I’m always making sure it is for the benefit of my journey with God and other people. So what is ‘Flipping the Script’ all about?

Change. 

I had to change. And to do that I had to instill some sound principles in my life and that was not a walk in the park; but then again, nothing in life worth something ever really is… my journey started with getting rid of some bad habits, first and foremost, some of which I have mentioned in previous blog entries (I do it cause I’m lonely…blah blah blah) …those were ‘easier’… the ones I found most difficult were and still are the ones that kind of changes one’s character… how you treat people, how you view people, what is important to people, what is important to you, how do you view yourself, are you conducting your life in a manner that is both pleasing to you and to those looking at you, learning from you and more importantly depending on you?  How can one match up to all of that and still feel authentic… especially if some of those were not really who you were previously… after countless conversations with friends and some reflecting I came across the concept of living an exemplary life – pretty standard thing to want to do.  So how does one do that?  What does it mean to live an exemplary life…or is it a life style? What does it entail? Is it about contributing to how people are living, is it about setting an example for and to the people I come in contact with on a daily basis? Not that I am this super famous influential celebrity, but I do encounter various walks of people every day through various means and mediums, be it social media or in real life, especially in real life… and so many people have so many different stories to share and so many of them are living out their stories right now… am I listening? Am I being there for them? Leading them by how and who I am, or am I just leading them astray with my own selfish little thwarts? Would that be exemplary living…would that be authentic? Or what is it to live an exemplary life? In short, I would say that one way is serving and caring about other people so much that it changes who you are for the better. I think that is real…I think it’s the real you…I think that is authentic.  So does one just wake up and do this? I wish… it takes time and lots of reflecting about who you are and I would think that that would be a life-long process. What I have learnt is that it consists mainly of self-sacrifice and selflessness…pretty much everything that’s against our selfish narcissistic human nature…

Personally, the first of these big changes I had to instill were to put in place sound principles and boundaries to protect myself and other people from contradicting the life I aim to lead…not as easy as I thought, stumbling blocks come in many forms and sizes and you learn it the hard way all the way as you grow… things like disappointments, disagreements, rejection and many more are challenges faced when basing a life on principles. The question I had to ask myself though was… What is it about living a life on principles and setting boundaries, that is so detrimental to forming a new you, a fresh you, a ‘flipping the script’ you…? The answer was and still is: it makes life so much easier.  It started with small steps at a time, deciding to not eat certain things and to not drink carbonated drinks (including alcohol) and not smoking… almost in a sense denying my bodily desires for immediate satisfaction… then the bigger steps, after I have learnt to say ‘no’ to myself… came the thoughts of emotional desires, the need to have a girlfriend, female companion, ‘someone that understands me, that I can share emotions with’ …the lie, a lie, yes I do need someone but really not right now and definitely not because I feel I need one every other day… most days I’m content with being on my journey of ‘hating beauty’ and finding myself… other days, and they are far and few apart, I just miss the idea of a girlfriend but even more so the idea of the things you do with someone… conversations, laughter, romantic inspirations, dinners, movies, outings and just plain old comfort and friendship…  all valid but all also not necessary to rush… so I had to make peace with the idea of waiting but that meant putting in boundaries on how I communicate with women… how I say, what I say, what I do, how I do… all to protect them and myself… but as I said it’s not always as easy as black and white and you learn and you get up and you continue growing…very interesting the thoughts one’s brains go through… found myself once getting really low-spirited because the idea of ending up with no-one really got to me, I thought that if I’m ‘friend-zoning’ every one… who will I get? More importantly… how will I know it’s her?  ...and so we learn to trust in the Creator, my God and savior, Jesus, and as long as I trust Him I shall put no foot wrong…

Let’s get carried away, but let’s remain authentic.

This idea is solely based on trusting God to lead us. It is like a good friend of mine said to me, ‘if we can see beyond the gulf then we won’t need God to direct and protect us’, but I do need Him, and so I will trust Him and make my decisions. I should be bold enough to trust Him that it’ll be fine; I must be daring and courageous, adventurous and excited about life but also be securely grounded in Him. If things don’t work out (which they sometimes don’) I must know that God is still good.   The decision to Flip the Script on my life has led to many new things that I find myself doing all the time, just by thinking about things differently I enter into almost like a new realm of living or thinking. Blogging for me is a resultant of ‘Flipping the Script’, moving out and deciding to live on my own as well. The beauty of ‘Flipping the Script’ is this: it causes a ripple effect, one decision influences others but at the same time presents you with new possibilities, options that would never have availed themselves if things just remained the same. I read once that if one wants to make a change in one’s life that you must adhere to these three fundamentals: start immediately, do it flamboyantly and lastly there should be no exceptions…no exceptions...what does that even mean…?  It means take the risk, risk the change and enjoy the fruits of living a life that you know you want to… It’s about living a better life, making better decisions, making sure you’re living a healthy fun life. Not saying that alcohol and cigarettes will deny you that in any way but it got in my way and it can get in your way. Not saying having a girlfriend or partner will deter you from that at all, in fact I’d encourage anyone to pursue someone, but only if that is going to make both your lives better. It’s not about where you stay or where you are in life, but it is definitely about stepping out of your comfort zone and challenging yourself to step up and into the life you know you desire. Change is good and change is constant so the easiest thing we can do is to progressively embrace it. One step always leads to another, why not make those steps a better step each time. The goal is exemplary living, I’m striving towards, with up-hills every day, but I feel that if I continue trying I’ll have an impact on someone’s life someday and that will matter, because my steps will be well calculated and dependent on God, the ultimate exemplary life to follow.

Brave, Bold and Different

The thing about Flipping the Script is that it is flamboyant and risk taking and exciting and exhilarating, but more than that, Flipping the Script is more than just doing things differently; it is more than just applying things to your life to change you. It is more than just a philosophy or a theory; it is more than just a lifestyle and it is definitely not about changing who you are. At the same time it is also more than just a behavior change or a habitual change it is almost something transcendent, a paradigm shift, almost like living the alternative you you’ve always wanted to live out… Flipping the Script is an understanding that brings about change to your life, it is a way of thinking that implies doing things differently, and it encourages behaving differently. It in turn becomes a philosophy or a way of living, a manifestation of a lifestyle, it is who you are and not about becoming someone else but more so a better version of you, the real you, more authentic and definitely more real… and as I said it’s not about changing you, it is about enhancing who you are, a you that you can fully live out without any contradiction. Flipping the Script is a principle, apply it and help yourself live a better life.  Let’s flip from comfort to real. Let’s be real. Let’s change lives.

This thing called Adult: Am I doing it right...?

Lately, I have found myself in a very weird space… I’m trying to figure out who I am… In a sense, what is my purpose? …actually, to be fair,  I think that I kind of am getting to a place of knowing who I am, but I just still feel like I should know what I’m supposed to be doing with who I am...and I don’t. A friend recently asked me this very difficult question (well… difficult for me at the time)… it was, ‘Where do you see yourself in 5 years?’ I have this idea that it’s a very important question, but for the life of me I just cannot seem to have an answer for it, and most of my friends would know that I sometimes have this way of ‘having’ an answer (even if I make one up)…but not this time…and I kind of still don’t (I think). 

So, the thing is, I found myself thinking about this question quite a bit lately and I have to admit it has been bothering me that I could not (and still cannot) come up with an answer.  What I have done though is, I have narrowed it down to this… you see the difficulty with the question is not really where I see myself in 5 years’ time, no, what it’s really asking me is: ‘Where do I want to see myself in 5 years from now?’, ‘What is the one thing (or things) that I can see myself doing right now that will prepare me for ‘that one thing’ or at least put me in a good position to attain ‘that one thing’…whatever ‘that one thing’ is?’ …now that right there, that is what is causing the difficulty for me, the not knowing what ‘that one thing’ is…and that right there is why it’s so complex to define who I am or what I want to do or be because I do believe that it goes way beyond something that I am just going to be doing, I think it would somewhat also define my purpose. 

The thing is I have often questioned myself about career possibilities that I think I might enjoy; something that I can go home from. These possibilities are things that I think I am fairly adequate at or in the least indefinably interested in e.g.: being a musician, a writer, a teacher, a counseling type person, maybe law just cause it interests me, or should I get involved with organizations that deal with issues such as social development, spiritual growth or political cognizance just because I think I have a moderate interest in them…would that be enough, would me being interested in them be enough to keep me at it, inspire me and even more so…what would the rewards of that be? Would I be reaping befitting rewards? Would I still be staying true to who I am? Or is there a probability that any one of these above mentioned possibilities could be me, or is it something else and if so how will I know? And if it is that one of these matches up, what should I be starting to do now that will set me up to fill that position…? Do I have the means to do so…or is fear causing me to have this limitation? 

A quote from a movie I recently watched got me thinking, the guy said this: ‘A man (or woman) that is confused can easily lose sight of the man he was destined to be…’ …so here I am confused and lost and alone… the thing is this so many people find themselves in this position in their lives, where they evaluate their lives and while some recognize it and step up to the plate and make the most of it, others find themselves stuck in a rut and start entertaining other types of ideas, ideas of being a failure, ideas of losing out on life, being behind in life because of bad choices made or for other various reasons. Then there are also ideas of not fitting in and having no sense of belonging or purpose and then suddenly they are hit with an enormous urgency to restart or worse, continue living their sad unfulfilling lives. As a man, these thoughts of inadequacy can so easily completely rob a man of his sense of masculinity and sense of authenticity and make him feel all sorts of inferior. The concern with this train of thought is that if it is not addressed, it could end up leading to devastating relationships being formed, families being torn apart or worse, kids from these relationships end up getting the wrong end of the deal. 

People who live life with an inferiority complex and disguise it with complacency, or with an unfair acceptance with whom they have become are the worse form of coward (talking to myself here)… and these are exactly the type of people that might find thrills in ‘being young again’, going out to clubs and parties, getting irresponsibly drunk, maybe getting hooked up with drugs or perhaps even just get involved with the wrong men/women. Not a good space to find yourself in. For me, although I have realized that yes, even though I have gotten over some of my insecurities and even though I am done with drugs and alcohol, the truth is that when I’m feeling down and out and stuck in that rut, and uninspired and lonely, the thought of indulging in these substances does pop up and I have to dig deep and work through it and I must admit…it’s tough. It’s tough to face addictions but it gets easier, but I also have to admit that what doesn’t get easier is the need to be with someone, the possibility of having a female companion is so strong, just for the fellowship it offers, just to have someone to comfort me, just to be able to share my insecurities and vulnerabilities with, just to be wanted and mean something to someone. Just to feel safe. And just because it is human nature to want to be partnered up, it can easily slip past our defenses systems, much easier than any prior addictions, it’s as easy as an innocent little ‘aaahh I think I’m in love’ or a ‘wow, she is so beautiful, I think I’m going to marry her’, and our defenses are down …this means that we have to monitor my emotions all the time, I have to know whether what I’m  feeling is real or just emotional hype… and although it’s good to joke around about it…I always have to make sure that I know that it is just a phase or state that I’m going through at that exact moment…even though it might last for days at a time. 

With this constant monitoring I always find myself wondering, ‘When will I meet the real deal?’ …you know? This makes me also slightly aware to not get too caught up and fixed on the idea of reaching my goals first, so that I don’t totally miss out on the opportunity of meeting ‘her’ or even more concerning, that I don’t end up missing out on valuable time that I could have spent with ‘her’… it’s such tricky planes I’m walking on and at the same time it’s so intimidating because I absolutely do not want to choose someone just because I’m vulnerable, or just because she shows interest in me (because this ‘state’ is exactly where and when emotions get the better of us) and especially not if I’m in a position of feeling inadequate and inferior…such as now…lost, confused, alone, stuck and desperate for meaning. The thing is though; I have this idea that before I can even consider being interested in someone, I should at the least know where I’m going, have a plan for me before I can have a vision for us... On top of that, when I do meet someone, I don’t want to make her or the pursuit of her my main purpose, as if that was all I was put here on earth to do. I think I may have done that in my youthful days due to a lack of a positive male role models, peer pressure and the whole sexuality propaganda showered on teens by the media, music and celebrity teevee etcetera etcetera…something I feel many young men and teenagers go through unknowingly and involuntarily, incessantly functioning under the false deceptions of masculinity that is built on the ideas that ‘getting the girl, having the bling and being above the law’ makes you a man;  …at the same time I also do not want to make her plan and purpose, mine.

So let’s see, what am I saying? I was saying that I’m really frustrated with where it is that I’m finding myself  in life, specifically  not knowing where life is taking me and with that thought comes a lot of concerning questions, responsibility and feelings. Feelings of confusion and desperation, questions that can lead to some serious consequences if not dealt with properly… I know that part of this search for meaning and purpose brings with it the question of belonging, belonging to a wife and family, ‘Where do I want to settle and live?’, ‘What are the things that I still want to do?’, ‘Have I accomplished all I that had wished to?’, ‘Am I on my way?’ In reality there are no real set in stone answers for these questions… I mean, I started writing this blog with the intention of getting a real answer but all I really got was a sense of direction, or really just a change in perspective…firstly I know that, it doesn’t matter which occupation I choose or whether I will excel in it, that just comes down to the fact that there is just no substitute for hard work and my attitude towards it will determine whether I enjoy and succeed at it or not… and although I feel that where I am right now might not be where I’ll end up, I do feel that it’s valuable to me right now, who I am right now and where I am going, and therefore I need to make the best of it, right now, for now, for my future…perhaps it’s just part of the journey for right now… and that is the same with regards to finding the love of my life and starting a family…

 

And as I have maybe mentioned in a previous blog, I’m a hopeless romantic, searching for the perfect life with the perfect wife filled with the perfect interesting little stories (much like Ted in ‘How I met your mother’), and I’ll probably get there one day… but I also know that where I am right now is right where I need to be and what I’m learning now is absolutely crucial to who I’m going to be as a husband and a father, a provider, a friend and a confidant…(this doesn’t mean I have to stop searching)… Soooo, instead of me accepting defeat and looking at all of this as limitations and obstacles I’m rather going to start looking at it in ways that I can broaden my possibilities and focus on how I can grow. Grow into who I want to be… Grow into the great guy I see myself to be, a guy with a great family with the great job that I enjoy, and the beauty of it all is that I don’t have to be in any rush… and although it might not ever be perfect, I know that it’ll be perfectly matched up…and that’ll be perfect for me. And even though my dreams and aspirations and goals might still be a while away, I can take heart in the fact that they are closer than what they were a year ago…or even a month ago.

Sweet Disposition: Maybe we were just meant to be friends…

Sketch one by Zoe Sees

Ever walked into a room or just looked at another person and it suddenly felt like you know them or that you have met them before? Or even an “I must get to know this person!”, or, “Hectic! This person and I get along so well!”, “…where have they been all my life?” It’s like you are instantaneously best friends or you should have been best friends forever already… and what makes such a connection even more complex and fascinating to comprehend is if the other person is of the opposite sex with added attractiveness…then there’s fire, because now all of a sudden it’s as if you have met the one, your ‘soul mate’, your best friend…right? The person I could spend the rest of my life with, the one that understands me, understands my ins and outs, thinks the way I do, loves what I love, likes what I like, laughs for what I laugh for…the person that has everything that I am looking for in someone, the person that will make me happy forever…my future… and then in a matter of weeks, and in some cases days, we are “in love”… and then all of a sudden, I love him/her. My previous blog entry ‘Epilogue’ is in itself a poetic expression of such…

We constantly form lots of different types of ties with lots of different types of people, all the time, every day in every single way that we interact with them. And the one thing I can say boldly is that not all relationships (even friendships) are formed with a healthy means, which could be detrimental to the development of the rest of the relationship if it is to continue growing. In a lot of cases it is quite easy for us to recognize if a particular type of person is not intended for our closer circle of friends (just being honest), but what about the ones that we don’t recognize so easily, the ones that are inspiring, encouraging, beautiful, the ones that come in the forms of really awesome people? Not necessarily a bad person but maybe just not the person I should be getting too close to for the growth of myself and them… How then do we recognize that the nature of it, such a relationship, is or could be toxic (harmful) to both parties and what is  even more difficult is, how do we break them once it has gotten to that point?

In my life I have made this mistake countless times, and I really mean countless times, friendships that could have been beautiful were destroyed because of blurred lines. And every time only upon retrospect have I found myself thinking, I was wrong but I could never figure out how and why, but I just knew… and it wasn’t until recently that I discovered what it was that I was experiencing… a rather embarrassing story I may add: so some time ago I met this girl and instantly I could feel ‘a connection’, I was single, but at the time I was in a weird state of thinking I should be moving on, and that together with a lot of other influences and things going on, made meeting her, to me, feel like it’s all happening at the right time (can I please laugh at me at this point). I felt so overwhelmed by her and her essence just spoke volumes  and even though I did not know much about her I could just sense a gentle, beautiful being full of compassion and warmth, someone I could build a future with, my mind went haywire…I was ‘in love’ at first sight (haha another #lol moment). Long story short I sent her a rather embarrassing message to which she never replied, and rightfully so might I add, though leaving me feeling like a loser, but I was a bit intense though (ok maybe not a bit – I mean based on the description I just gave, you can probably pick up how I must have come across)… after some self-reflection I came to realize that maybe I should be looking for some meaningful non-romantic relationships with people, in particular how I interact with woman, the being their friends, no intentions. The following couple of weeks I unconsciously started consciously engaging in more friendly relationship building conversations and friendships with many different people, colleagues and church friends (the reason I mention this is because the age that I’m at, I felt like I didn’t really have time and space to add new people to my life, except for a companion, but I tried and added effort and ended up here, quite happy I started flipping that script) and through this I somehow started being a support system to many, offering time and advice and just plain friendship, offering to walk a journey with some where I could and being genuinely interested in their well-being, and in the end guys and girls both… and the fact that I am choosing to remain single is in some part inspired by this but has also allowed me to see this side of life…

This helped me to realize something about myself, I started recognising a pattern as to how I have gone about getting close to the people from my previous relationships (be it romantic or failed romantic – you know what I mean) and started reassessing the how’s and why’s, in a sense, what was it about them, why did I like them, what drew me to them, was it realistic for me to expect anything of them, and were those partners really future material, not in a bad way, just in a sense for me, because they were and still are phenomenal people… and I do believe that they will be someone’s great future but for all intents and purpose, it just turned out not mine, and then I had the light bulb moment… all this time I was just supposed to be there for them, just be their friend, just be a support system, just a shoulder, just a genuine person offering up genuine time to listen, no other intentions, and by them I mean most of the ones in my past (maybe all of them)… but somehow (I think I know how) our ‘souls’ (for lack of a better word) connected and because no real boundaries were set, the lines became blurred and what should have been and could have been great friendships became romantic rendezvous, and we instead settled for  our own personal desires and gains just to satisfy the now… and that is sad my man, I look back at some of the people, the friends, and I can’t help but think, how would it have been if that wasn’t the case, where would our friendship be now… I mean, it is so tough losing a friend, and even more difficult to break an emotional tie (perhaps not as tough as losing someone to death) but in many cases we do feel as if that it is the end if we break up and we do in fact go into some sort of depression because we have allowed this person into the depths of our hearts, and now they have left with a piece of it…and that is such dangerous grounds to be on if that person is of the opposite sex. 

Don’t get me wrong, did I love the people I was involved with, yes! Did I really like them, yes! Was it a pleasant experience for me spending time with them and dating them, yes! Did I learn a lot from who they were and was I there to encourage them and comfort them, yes! Do I still have a sense of love for them, yes! I think I always will and I also always will miss the friendship that we shared, but would I go back to them to try and save what was or do I think it could have worked out differently if it wasn’t for this and that, then I’d say no, I think we were just meant to be friends… I think us hooking up or getting together was fueled by our own desires and feelings of lostness (is that even a word) and loneliness or rejection by others or just the anxiety of life’s troubles overwhelming us. Times like those make us feel very persuaded to want certain types of connections that are best given by another person through simple human comfort and love, and it’s even better if it’s given by the guy/girl that has been giving us time… and then for things to get stirred up, all it would take is few lovely words here and there, a touch, a smile, or even a text, and then things become real… the fire is started and that can be intense my man. The moment things like this don’t work out people are left hurt and possibly even more broken than what they started out as.

I had recently watched the motion picture called “500 Days of Summer” and what was really interesting about it to me was that both the guy and the girl had two different opinions about love and life and how things and people end up ending-up. He believed in love and destiny that all souls have a partner to meet up with and she did not. He ended up falling completely in love with her and consequently thought that she might be that for him, while she made it clear that she is just enjoying the pleasures of them spending time together, all of it genuine and real. He saw more and she kind of knew that he wasn’t it, the one, but still it did not mean that she did not enjoy getting to know him. Was she genuine, yes, I’d like to think so… is he maybe a hopeless romantic, definitely, not a bad quality to have at all. Was it meant to be for them? Not at all, and this is evident in the fact that she got married to another guy she fell in love almost instantaneously. The irony of it all is that early in the flick he tells her that one will just know when it comes to love, she disagrees at the time but in the end would reveal that that is exactly how it happened for her… There are three things about this flick that I deem of significance for the sake of this post, firstly, even though they broke up, she still enjoys doing the things they did together, e.g. visiting the bench in the park, signifying to me that she was being honest with him and did enjoy spending time with him. Secondly, whenever he was thinking things are looking up between the two of them, the song “Sweet Disposition” by “The Temper Trap” is being played and it’s almost as if the song, in those moments, represents him being swept away in pure bliss by what he thinks is happening. To me that was symbolic of the fact that many times we see and fill in our own little details about things happening around us to make them fit our own realities, making connotations to things for the benefit of our fairytales.  And lastly, in the end he meets a new girl and her name is Autumn, the season after Summer, signifying that he enjoyed summer but now it’s time for a new time in his life with new hope. The new season.  

People come and go through our lives all the time, some are meant to stay and others are just meant to pass through, we have the power and we can decide who stays or we can allow room for error by forming toxic relationships. But I want to add that I do feel that if we do not set boundaries for ourselves in the instances where meet these people where we can potentially get it wrong, it can make things really complicated, especially if we find ourselves or others going through a tough time and needing some connection of sorts. It can so easily start with things just looking a bit bleak and all of sudden all we want is to be needed and comforted…and these are the times that we must be really vigilant about who we do this with… We need to protect our hearts as well as the hearts of the people around us and that comes with the responsibility of the matters of the heart, and how we conduct ourselves with it, that is where the authority lies… We can be victorious in this matter and people’s hearts can be healed and mended just by us all establishing real nontoxic relationships, by guarding our hearts and still allowing personalities to flourish and inspire… I believe that our hearts belong to the ones we see ourselves growing old with, the ones we marry, the ones we would move a mountain for, and them we should guard our hearts and they should be the only ones holding the keys to the darkest rooms of it, and not just any Harry, Barry or Kerry…